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CHH Artist Giano was recently asked this intriguing question by an anonymous fan:

In your opinion, how do you know when you have found "the one"? What do you think is the wisest way to find out if she is "the one", and then how does a man of God wisely pursue her? -(from a fan of Prelude to a Love Song)

Here is Giano's very detailed and informative answer...Take notes! 

I really appreciate the support of the song! I’d like to dialogue this one out with you, if you don’t mind. If you do mind, then that’s cool too. I fully believe that “love” is an action word and that the concept of love is never fully matured in any human being. We are constantly growing. Each new phase of growth requires a different type of love (that we receive and give). So finding “the one”, in my opinion, is just as significant as finding one’s self. We have to know who we are in order to know who we want. In other words, I need to be “the one” for someone in order for that person to also be “the one” for me. Does that make sense?

Finding one’s self is a lifelong process, and of course we don’t need to wait until the end of our lives to be ready to meet “the one”. However, I have noticed that in relationships I’ve had in the past, the person I was with was “the one” for me at that time. The relationship generally (although not always) ended once we realized we both had matured in our personal lives’ development, which made us not “the one” for each other anymore. Does that make sense?

What I’m saying is that finding “the one” is a relative concept. I can always find “the one” that does everything for me at a particular moment in time – a specific moment in my life when this person represents everything I want and need in a mate. However, in my process of maturation, I could very well mature beyond those things which “did it” for me back in that specific moment in time when I found “the one”.

Therefore, it is my opinion that the goal is to not only find “the one” who does it for me in a specific time, but also to find someone whom I deem worthy of pursuing a lifelong relationship (and that person must feel the same for me). This lifelong relationship is one where despite our maturation beyond the initial phase of where we were both “the one” for each other we both continue to grow in love toward and for each other so that at every stage of our maturity, we still are “the one” for each other.

In other words, I’m implying that there should be something special – a growth that is unique to the two people engaging in the relationship. For those who truly find (and continue to grow as and with) “the one”, they generally would say that they couldn’t apply those special, unique “somethings” to any other person in the world. Notice that my concept of “the one” not only includes finding “the one”, but also includes becoming “the one” – two people mutually developing in their love to one another.

Developing in love requires commitment and action. In my opinion, the task of establishing this type of relationship does not come as easily as the task of finding “the one” was. Finding “the one” is relatively easy – make a list and find someone who fits most (if not all) the things on that list. That is a good place to start. However, committing to “the one” is much more difficult. Commitment requires vulnerability, which transitions the process from one person finding “the one” to both individuals becoming “the one” for (and as they grow with) each other. Once you make a commitment (long-term relationship and then marriage), you and the person essentially vow to stick with each other even when either one (or both) of you may not always look or act like “the one” you initially found. What do you think about that?

So now to your second question regarding the pursuit. How does a person wisely pursue “the one”? In my opinion, there is not a one-stop handbook for determining this. I do believe that in my relationships, it was my personal development and maturation that allowed a natural progression where God providentially created “luck” and opportunity so that I was prepared to meet “the one” (at that time) when I met her. I believe the pursuit has much (if not all) to do with what our priorities are – what we value most – in a relationship. So, my question to you is, what do you value most in a relationship?

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